Three Ways to Beat Yuki
by Winter's Light
Summary: [Oneshot] Kyo has finally found it! The way to defeat Yuki in three easy steps! Crack. Please read and review. [slight shonen ai] complete


**Three Ways to Beat Yuki**

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket.

Kyo glanced at the mini booklet for the first time. He looked up, grinning like a mad man and clenched his hand into a fist. Today was the day that the damn rat would be kicked off his throne, the day that Kyo would emerge victorious over the stupid sissy rat.

In other words, it was the day that he, Kyo, would defeat Yuki, his rival, enemy, whatever you call it.

He grinned again and looked at the mini booklet, in which he had made Shishou write out for him, one last time:

**1. Know him, learn his usual moves: know his weakness.**

Kyo knew that Yuki's weakness was the dark. A weak…sissy, little weakness at that… But how could he use that against him?

He moved onto the next step:

**2. Learn his strengths.**

Kyo snorted at this step. Obviously, everything was Yuki's strength no doubt about it. From gardening to martial arts, to math, to reading, to learning another language… The list continued.

Kyo sighed, getting depressed at Yuki's list of strengths. He growled and told himself that he _would_ be victorious! He moved onto the next step:

**3. Bite him.**

_What? "Bite him"! What the hell?_

Kyo awoke from his dream-like state. "W-What?" he asked himself. No one asked him what was going on or answered the cursed-cat as he continued to argue with himself.

"'Bite him'? Why the hell did Shishou write that!" he asked himself, freaking out. He started to pace.

"What to do, what to do…" he muttered under his breath, trying to come up with his decision. It was either bite him and defeat the damn rat or become a sissy himself and chicken out of biting him. "Argh…" he slapped one hand onto his forehead and the other still held the mini booklet.

He sighed and gave in. "If Shishou says it's alright…" he told himself as he exited his room and made his way downstairs.

Soon, he found his nemesis in the living room, apparently sitting at the kotatsu, reading a book. Yuki gave no sign of whether or not he knew or noticed that Kyo was there.

Kyo saw his chance.

He then slowly, cat-like, maneuvered his way towards the half-asleep reading Yuki and stopped at his back. Making sure that everything was according to plan, his head bowed down to bite – aiming for Yuki's neck.

"What the hell do you think you're doing stupid cat?"

Kyo froze in his awkward position and tried to make it look good. He panicked and didn't even notice that there was a slight quiver in Yuki's tone when he asked.

"What do 'ya mean?" he asked, moving away from Yuki now, "I was only seeing if you could sense my presence… But it seems like you couldn't…"

"Oh shut up. It's not like you can do any better," Yuki replied, giving Kyo a raised eyebrow. Seeing Kyo's confused stare, Yuki changed the subject. "Never mind." He then picked up the book he was reading, got up, and left the room leaving out poor little kitty here, all alone in the living room…

Red as an apple.

Over the next few days, Yuki always found himself in the sitting position having Kyo over his head doing his weird thing…position…something… and only to leave him and walk up to his room as if consulting something.

Yuki found it weird that Kyo was doing this. He had no idea what was doing on in that stupid cat's mind or whatnot…

He sighed and glared at the book in his hand in which he was currently trying to finish up reading the last chapter so he could get started on his book project. He doubt that the cat even remembered that there was one…

He say no signs of the cat reading a book…

…or the cat for that matter.

He frowned. Usually, Kyo would have come by now drinking milk straight from the carton – again, or challenging him to a fight…

…But lately, Kyo had been acting strange…not even talking to him much less yelling. He was always hanging over his (Yuki's) shoulder.

Yuki's neck hairs suddenly stood up. He swore he had sensed the cat's presence. He glared at the book again, not reading a single word.

Suddenly he felt pain on his shoulder.

"OW!" he yelled, nearly jumping out of his skin, jumping onto his feet. He clutched his shoulder with one hand and the other in a fist, waving madly at the bewildered cat.

"What the hell did you do that for you moron!" Yuk yelled at the stupefied cat.

"I-I…" the cat tried to answer, but only managed to stutter in response.

It was then that Yuki noticed a small booklet in Kyo's hand. Angrily, Yuki stormed over to him, grabbed the booklet out of his (Kyo's) hand and read its content.

Kyo was finally able to speak. "It said 'Bite'!" he tried to defend himself.

Unfortunately for Kyo, it didn't work. Instead, it only made things worse.

Yuki exploded. He smacked his book into Kyo's face, lifted the booklet to Kyo's eyes and yelled, "It says 'Fight him' you MORON!"

Kyo stared dumbly at the booklet. "Oy! It's not my fault! Shishou wrote that!" he tried once again to defend himself!

Again, it didn't work.

Kyo earned himself another hit. "YOU DESTRUCTIVE IDIOT!" Yuki yelled at him, giving Kakeru's technique, the divine punishment, another spin.

Yuki sighed and started to walk away after the attack, but Kyo stopped him.

"What was the book for anyways?" he asked without a clue.

Kyo was met by another book.

"Idiot."

Today was not Kyo's day.

-Owari-


End file.
